Thought I’d take some time to share some of my thoughts as I’ve been here in Korea for a little more than a month. Initially, I was excited to be here, to have some new experiences and to get know Korea in a first-hand manner. By now, I’d say the novelty has settled in and I’ve been thinking about myself and the world at large.

(more…)

Now that I’ve turned thirty years old, it’s a significant milestone in my life, for sure. Much of that has been learning about myself, who I am, and what I like doing. I’ve come a long way from being born, adopted, then found my birth family in 2002, and now I’m living in Korea for a year.

For those who know me well, I enjoy thinking about philosophy and generally question things. There’s lots of good stuffs on the Internet and I like to think of things in terms of science and universe like what Carl Sagan usually shared. Although Earth is a big planet (maybe not so much with the world population rapidly growing), it’s really really tiny out in the universe alone and it makes us much smaller. I’ve realized that we’ve pretty much existed in our consciousness, taking part in the light. It’s weird that we can hear same sounds, see same things, yet be in different bodies. I guess it’s the mind that binds us and our souls residing in bodies. My line of thinking is similar to that of Soren Kierkegaard and Friedrich Nietzsche with the idea of existentialism. Kierkegaard maintained that the individual is solely responsible for giving his or her own life meaning and for living that life passionately and sincerely in spite of many existential obstacles and distractions including despair, angst, absurdity, alienation, and boredom. Both of them also believed that one should define the nature of their own existence. It’s a similar notion to one quote I read—”Life isn’t about finding yourself it’s about creating yourself.” That’s what I believe in, and that’s mainly one reason why Facebook is so popular because it’s given us tools to share ourselves rather conveniently.

(more…)

The personal journal of Doogie Howser, M.D.

This TV show was one of my fave childhood shows and they couldn’t have found a better actor than Neil Patrick Harris. He really carried the whole TV episodes. At the end of each episode, he would turn on his computer and write about his experience or feeling. There were lots of good lessons about life, jobs, love, etc. Many of his words strike true in me. I have a DVD collection of this.

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 13, 1989

$100,000, a six-week vacation, and my own air-conditioned office vs. Hector Gonzales… No contest.
POSTED BY DOOGIE HOWSER AT 7:40 PM

I just purchased a one way plane ticket to Seoul, Korea and that’s a little over a month from now when I will have stepped my foot over there for one more time.

Like one of my friends’ favorite maxims, “No replacement for displacement.” He’s a big fan of the LS series engine with those big V8 cylinders. At the beginning, I’d argue with him and reasoned that a 4 cylinders engine could keep up with the best of them while being efficient on fuel. He said that’s cool but when it comes down to raw power and torque, nothing can replace displacement. Yep. When you want a go in your car, you just tap your foot on the pedal and a V8 engine will gladly rev up for you without too much effort. Not quite so on a i4 engine, you’d have to bring the rpm up high, get VTEC to kick in to experience some substantial power output. To put it succinctly, he said the Corvette is the closest thing next to a Ferrari that is mass-produced and affordable. Well said, friend.

Well, as luck would have it, I will be returning to the country where I was born in but was “displaced” at the age of three. In the last few years, I have given a lot of thoughts about going back to the country especially after having discovered my family and learned that my sister is deaf too. As I thought about my life and what I’d like to do with it, I realize that I cannot, in my good conscience, leave both my sister (and her husband and my niece) and my brother behind and pretend they are a figment of my imagination. They did not have the same fortune of living in the land of opportunity, America, and get a college education. Sometimes, I wonder what really went through my biological father’s mind when he made a decision to give me up for adoption? He must have made an insight that had I stayed in Korea, I wouldn’t have had same opportunities that I was able to experience. It’d be nice to inquire him about that a bit more but it was hard to communicate with him since we had nothing in common except for the blood and Korea has such a manner that parents do not reveal much to their children.

Another desire to go back to my country is to learn a bit more of the culture and what is culture without language? The language, Hangul, as I have learned, is a very effective language and is the only language to have a national holiday based on. I’ve always got a thing for languages in American Sign Language and English and thought it’d be cool to learn another language and become fluent at it. I often have a dream that I was able to converse in any of four languages. I realize that the image I have of myself has significantly changed after I visited Korea for the first time in 2002. It validated my existence, my identity and saw where I was truly from. Even at this point in today’s society and time, we have progressed enough not to use race as discrimination but our identity still remain important. So, going back to Korea will enrich my identity at the extent of who I am. There’s no replacement for displacement.

So, I turn 29 years old today. It’s turned into a tradition that I’d write something on my birthday. Here’s the last five.

It’s hard to believe that I’d start a blog way back in the fall of 2004. More than five years have passed since. I haven’t been blogging much lately but have written a few notes on my Facebook, as pretty much everyone is using the Internet and I’m becoming more cautious of what I’m writing here as people seem to be nitpicking pretty much over anything. But I think I shouldn’t be concerned about that and just write for myself. So, I hope to be more forthcoming this year. :)

I seem to be accomplishing most of the goals that I listed last year, which was rather simple and that I want to take life at its face value, and ofc, keep contributing to my work at Google, which has been both productive and fulfilling, kept me busy for much of the time. Last year, I pondered about why we’re here and our purpose, leading my belief to the philosophy of existentialism. To extend that thought, I also thought about physics and realized that everything’s a reflection of light. Without light, we simply can’t see anything including ourselves. So, we’re in this visible light spectrum and since light is made of some electromagnetic properties (photons and quanta) that actually bend toward gravity (mass), that creates time and space. We’re all moving along on this timeline, and thanks to technology like the Internet and computers as a tool, we’re able to record events and express our thoughts through talking, videotaping, or writing. With those recorded media, we’re able to rewind and remember our timelines. All made possible by light.

I’m actually doing a lot of snowboarding (gone to Lake Tahoe and Colorado) and my skill has been improving steadily that I can do some air jumps and rotations. The highlight of 2009 was traveling to five different countries—Taiwan, Singapore, Malaysia, Thailand, Hong Kong—and managed to meet a few deaf people along the way. We really do exist all over the world, though not as many as other group identities.

I believe in the next few years, we’ll be more connected than ever, thanks to social networking like Facebook and Twitter. With enough smart motivated minds, we will make some serious progress that will be unprecedented by any time in the past. Equal rights in marriage, better/more education, tools, networking, and transparency will lead to a better management of the economy. No one is going to fix the economy as if he has a magic wand but I think with enough information and assistance, we’ll better able to manage our money and take responsibility for ourselves and our actions.

My goals for this year is pretty much the same except I’d like to be more focused on a few certain things, to make efforts at, and bring my dreams closer to reality. Much of that will be improving my coding skill and outputting more like blogging and taking pictures. Shedding light on my timeline.

Finally, to close this birthday post, someone very important is turning 55 in two days. That’d be Steve Jobs. He was struggling with his health last year and got a liver transplant, and he’s said he’s feeling better. Great. This is written with a Macbook Pro. And iPad is just gonna rock. You just wait and see.

I’m not sure how eloquent or articulate this will be, as I attempt to explain this thought I have in my mind. For some time, I’ve been thinking why we’re here and how we come into existence but that’s a kinda too far-fetched question as no one knows for sure and there is an ever battle between religions on this question.

The more important question we should be asking ourselves is that since we’re already here, the question is what are we doing with ourselves and time? I’ve been thinking about that as I drove alone for 7 hrs one way to Los Angeles and San Diego. Well, I think I’m closer to the truth than I ever have been in my whole life. I’d like to throw in an excerpt from Wikipedia.

“Quality,” or “value,” as described by Pirsig, cannot be defined because it empirically precedes any intellectual constructions. It is the “knife-edge” of experience, known to all. “What distinguishes good and bad writing? Do we need to ask this question of Lysias or anyone else who ever did write anything?” (Plato’s Phaedrus, 258d). Likening it with the Tao, Pirsig believes that Quality is the fundamental force in the universe stimulating everything from atoms to animals to evolve and incorporate ever greater levels of Quality. According to the MOQ, everything (including the mind, ideas, and matter) is a product and a result of Quality.

(more…)

As is accustomed for me to write a self post on my birthday. See my last four:

Twenty-seven years old
Twenty-six years old
I turn 25 today.
The Existence of 24 years old on this Planet Earth.

I’m actually writing this post on Facebook’s notes. I’m not sure why but it’s probably the social vibe behind this app that is going on (with 175+ million users having signed up) and this awareness that I’m not the only one hitting on a keyboard. It’s almost like writing on a typewriter in a busy newsroom, only figuratively. I also really like the font typeface and its size – gotta send props to the designer who chose the font. I don’t even know what’s the font face – looks like Tahoma family to me, though.

To my amazement, I found out that I’m not the only one to do this type of post. Matt Mullenweg who created WordPress as a open source blogging software, also does the same thing – see his. He’s a Dvorak typist too. Not too long ago, I started to type pretty comfortable in Dvorak but had to stop because I sometimes needed to type on others’ keyboard to communicate with them and their layout is in QWERTY, so I would get stuck and have to remember how to type in QWERTY again. So, no good there.

Since I’m aware that my birthday is in Feb, I tend to wait and think back while people get busy bringing in the new year and making resolutions. And I started thinking about what I would like to say in my self post, so here this is.

It’s been more than a year since I moved here from Washington DC. It was an exciting time, thrilled to be working right in Googleplex, made a full transcontinental move to the west coast. And I couldn’t have asked for a better experience. Wouldn’t replace for anything. It was hard to believe that I could be walking into a room and see the CEO or founders there. But now, I’ve gotten used to the sight and don’t get as excited as before. This year also has been a year of consciousness/awareness that I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about who I am and how we all come into existence. Moreover, I think this year, more or less, marks the first time that I’ve come to terms with myself. I wasn’t always so proud of myself like being the only Asian in my class for most of my life and had some people making fun of my not-so-rounded eyes and my penchant in school. Before, when I looked at myself in the mirror, I was like, so this is an Asian-looking guy yet I don’t feel one bit like an Asian. Now, I don’t feel that way anymore and feel proud to be myself. I am who I am. I can’t imagine wanting to be someone else.

In terms of consciousness, I’ve tried to increase awareness in this capacity and how decisions we make may affect us. Sometimes, I do wonder if I even exist. The answer is yes and you do exist too. What you see is what you get. Activity on Facebook, pictures we appear in, comments we made, news we read. We know what the Golden Gate or Washington Monument looks like, we know how burgers from In n Out taste like, we know who is now the President of the U.S., and we know we can’t live without air and water. That’s existentialism. We exist, though how do we want to spend this present time is up to us.

As for my goals this year, well, not much, really. Just enjoy life and hang out with friends, also do fun stuffs like snowboarding, traveling, and seriously learn how to surf. The big thing will be the southeast Asia trip and Deaflympics. So, till then, take lots of pictures, blogging and being myself.

Lastly, I’d like to close this post by saying early happy birthday to Steve Jobs who will be turning 54 in two days and to wish him the best in his health. He was born an orphan here in Mountain View, CA. Cool.

The best is yet to come. :D

1. My first meal when I was adopted to here from Korea was a happy meal from McDonald.

2. I’m not much of a talker myself, so if you find me pretty quiet, don’t feel offended. You can be assured that my thoughts are almost always running at 100 mph per hour. If anything, I’d rather coding, writing, reading, or actually be doing something.

3. I’ve come to realize that emotional intelligence (or street smart) is as important as being smart in school. That said, my dad has a way better EI than I do, unfortunately.

4. My dad has many great stories when he was younger like he rode motorcycle across America and into Mexico. I think his life sounds better than mine already.

5. I try not to be judgmental but I’m capable of asking questions that would reveal who/what you are in a matter of minutes.

6. My 3rd grade teacher made me sit outside in the hallway because I made fun of her signing skill. It wasn’t very good at all, in fact. I hate it when teachers think their ASL is wonderful just like these girls who think their voice is great but is completely off-key. Know what I’m saying?

7. There are four men that I’d very much want to meet: Tiger Woods, Rick Reilly, Steve Jobs, and President Obama. (not necessarily in order)

8. I found out what I was made of after I spent ten weeks summer internship in Miami, FL. I knew nobody there, woke up at 6:30 am every day, did not miss a single day despite 1 1/2 hour of commuting, worked out a lot (they had a workout room on the third floor) and at the end, they held a farewell party for me and gave me appreciation award, which was unexpecting.

9. I’m a huge Honda fan. Huge. My dream is to own a ’01 Prelude SSH, then S2000, and lastly, an NSX. I currently drive an Element and used to own ’04 Civic Si hb till I totaled it.

10. Sometimes, I can’t believe I work at Google and help push doodles onto homepages. I consider it a privilege and will never take it for granted. I’m lucky to have a great team, also.

(more…)

I’ll have to accept this fact of knowledge. I have death anxiety. Not that it’s a bad thing but the thought of that enables me to do things and do my best. Time is all what we have.

Death anxiety.

The fear of death has been rated as the most common and the second worst fear that troubles us… …The fear of death is largely due to four reasons. Firstly, the fear of the unknown, secondly, the fear of losing our loved ones, thirdly, fear of pain and suffering and/or being alone at the time of death and finally, the fear of ceasing to exist or the finality of death.

Some quotes:

“Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.” – Pubilius Syrus (100 B.C.)

“A well-spent day brings happy sleep, so life well used brings happy death. Death is more universal than life, everyone dies but not everyone lives.” – Leondard da Vinci (1452-1519)

Steve Jobs had some words to say on the topics too. Read his commencement speech.

Often, how I make decisions is based on whether if I’ll have regrets. So, I ask myself, would I regret if I didn’t do this? if not, then I just do it. If yes, then I won’t. That’s the way I think.

That’s all we have in a day. 1440 minutes. Use them wisely.

The main themes:

You have only 1440 minutes per day. Use them wisely, and respect other’s 1440.
Cut out everything that wastes your (or other’s) time.
“Do Less” by focusing only on what matters.
Identify the real problems (ie., what keeps your boss up at night) and solve them. That’s your best path to career advancement, approved budgets, etc.
Don’t tolerate a work environment that wastes your time.

Link

link

Fundamentals, fundamentals, fundamentals.

My dream was to play in the National Football League. And most of you don’t know that I actually – no. [laughter] No, I did not make it to the National Football League,but I probably got more from that dream and not accomplishing it than I got from any of the onesthat I did accomplish. I had a coach, I signed up when I was nine years old. I was the smallest kid inthe league, by far. And I had a coach, Jim Graham, who was six-foot-four, he had played linebackerat Penn State. He was just this hulk of a guy and he was old school. And I mean really old school.Like he thought the forward pass was a trick play. [laughter] And he showed up for practice the firstday, and you know, there’s big hulking guy, we were all scared to death of him. And he hadn’tbrought any footballs. How are we going to have practice without any footballs? And one of theother kids said, excuse me coach, but there’s no football. And Coach Graham said, right, how manymen are on a football field at a time? Eleven on a team, twenty-two. Coach Graham said, all right, and how many people are touching the football at any given time? One of them. And he said, right, so we’re going to work on what those other twenty-one guys are doing. And that’s a really goodstory because it’s all about fundamentals. Fundamentals, fundamentals, fundamentals.

Couldn’t sleep. Looked up in old Men’s Health magazines.

Read this article titled “There’s a first time for everything.” Not sure if the website has a copy of that and I’m in the mood to type it out.

1. The first time you see your father as a man, complete with flaws, unfulfilled dreams, and unchained lust. Your mission: Learn from him, but don’t repeat after him.

I have.

3. Your first paycheck. It gave you a one-two combination punch from the invisible hand of capitalism, the first being that yes, taxes suck. The second: This is not nearly enough dough. Both fueled your ambition to earn more zeros. And still should.

Yup, it still does.

5. Your first wedding as a groomsman. You looked your best, the free booze flowed and you had that genuine pang of hope that someonday you’d find the woman of your dreams–and that she might ust be that hot bridesmaid dancing to “Baby Got Back.”

I have. One of the best experiences. And still yet to find that person. Someday I shall.

6. The first time you dump a girl. It took balls to walk away from free nooky. Maybe you’re stronger than you think.

I have and it was hard. Hope I don’t have to do it again.

7. The first time you’re picked last. First thought: I suck. Second: I’ll show them. That mojo can last a lifetime.

Yes, that’s the most important.

8. The first time you encounter mechanical failure in bed. Laugh it off, reboot, and spend the next hour pleasing her. She’ll remember it as your best performance ever.

Hasn’t happened but that seems possible. I’m already well-read.

9. Your first medical scare. Next time you’re in the drive-thru or at the gym, remember that panic.

I didn’t get the scare but regardlessly, I’m working out.

11. The first time you stay out all night and see the sunrise. Freedom. Hope. Endless possibilities. Attack every dawn with that mix of surprise, awe, and optimism.

That’s why I camp out in my Element. :-)

12. The first time your 401(k) nmber surpasses your annual earnings. It means you’ll be buying and not serving the lattte at Starbucks in 2048.

About halfway there already.

13. The first time you walk away from an animal pleasure–the fourth pitcher, the availabe wench. It’s an indication that your cerebral cortex has finally taken over from your lizard brain. Now you can pursue a life, rather than merely live it.

Yup, have been drinking quality beers like new belgium beers and start to experiment with mixed drinks. I’ll wait till when I’m over 30 years to start appreciating the fine taste of wine. Ha.

STEVE JOBS AT HOME IN 1982: This was a very typical time. I was single. All you needed was a cup of tea, a light, and your stereo, you know, and that’s what I had. ~Steve Jobs

Whoa, I didn’t know that his birthday is on Feb. 24th, two days apart from my birthday. Awesome.

Taken from herePaulo Coelho, author of The Alchemist

I remember receiving a letter from the American publisher, Harper Collins, which said that: “reading The Alchemist was like getting up at dawn and seeing the sun rise while the rest of the world still slept.” I went outside, looked up at the sky and thought to myself: “So, the book is going to be translated!” At the time, I was struggling to establish myself as a writer and to follow my path despite all the voices telling me it was impossible.
(more…)